RIfugee Blog

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray that my family would be back together for my wedding, and that my brother and his wife would be part of it.

It is time to start posting here again.

Actually my not posting has nothing to do with anything except forgetting, but that's a lousy excuse. Maybe I'll come up with another one later.

I would like to know everyone else's excuses, apart from Valerie and Kalen. I would also like to know if my brother still reads this blog because he sure as heck doesn't sign onto chat (not when I'm on anyway)

I've been good though. Busy, but good. I've been reading a lot of murder mysteries in my break. I feel justified, since I worked hard and dedicatedly all term. (2 A-'s, 2 A's, one B+) Next term I have 18 credits, 16 of which are science: Quantitative Chemistry, Symbiosis and the Environment, Evolution, Plant Physiology, plus voice and rock climbing (just to keep it interesting). Sounds fun, truly, and I have a couple terms left before graduation.

That's all for now. Happy Christmas everybody.

It was not just sadness that she saw in his eyes; it was an empty and remote sadness; his glance had lost its life. Just like that… What does one do when their lover’s gaze turns into a lifeless light? How does one bring some warmth back in those deep brown eyes?

“There, take that piece of my heart little one, it will beat inside you, give your heart and mind some life and warmth back.” That’s all she felt like doing. Very delicately take a tiny bit of her heart so it could help him come back. She knows her heart functions well; it keeps reminding her of it. It swells, wiggles, beats very strong, falls in love and hurts at different degrees. It is a very lively heart, indeed. And she remembers that it he was the one to bring such a life to it; the very same who had lost the light in his eyes tonight. “So maybe that present will help. Just a little…,” she thought. She did not want to give up, because she knew deep inside that so many great adventures were about to start. “They are just around the corner, little one. Please, do accept this little piece of my heart. Listen to it as it beats inside you. Feel it talk to your own heart and mind, and whisper to them that things will get better, that it is all worth it.” Just a slight beating; a tiny “click” could help everything go back into motion. She was so sure of it.

Of course, she knows it will take some time, but that’s ok. She is patient and, above all, she has faith. She knows her heart is a little too wiggling at times, and that it does not always want to wait. But she also knows it has learned, matured. “If I close my eyes and think very strong about all those things I’ve been learning lately, maybe he will feel them too; maybe it will make him optimistic about life again.” She slightly smiled at her own optimism. Who could have guessed that she would be struck by that very intriguing disease one day? Believe in life? Trust what has been given to us? Have faith and just keep going? Those ideas sounded so weird to her ears not so long ago. But now, nothing could take them out of her. She had realized those things, acknowledged them and taken a leap of faith. So she sat down, closed her eyes and brought her hands together. And silently, she asked Him to take care of that man, to give him the necessary strength and faith to go through this. She asked for His light, and prayed that the life of the candle would be brought back. She knew it would be a very slight flicker at first, but she was ready to protect it, quietly sitting by its side as it struggled with gusts of winds.

She put her fingers on her heart and whispered to it, as she was carefully taking a little piece, that the day she said “yes”, she knew exactly what she was saying “yes” to; be it the fun and entertaining moments, or the dark challenges of life. “It was not a shallow ‘yes’ my love, I do know you… All of you. And I love you just the way you are.” She closed her eyes again, held to that little piece of her heart, and got ready to give it to him.

Then, she just sat there in silence, knowing there was so much more to say, but now quite sure where and how to start...

One year...
It has indeed been one year since I've moved from Switzerland to Florida. It feels that time flies; that I've always been here, or that I've just moved. I don't quite know.

Random thoughts about it...

It has been one of the richest and most enriching years of my life. It has also been one of the most special.
I have opened my heart to God, and have total faith in Him and what He has in store for me, for us. I am not perfect - very far from that - but I try my best to grow closer to Him everyday, to let my faith influence my life and the lives of others.

Another very special aspect of this past year has been love-related. I've met the man I want to share the rest of my life with, and that's what we have planned to do. He proposed back in February, and we will get married in March next year. It is not always easy; our path is full of obstacles and struggles, but we are holding on. We love each other, and know that whatever happens, we will always be together. It is so unique to receive such a special gift in one's life. And yes, it comes along with hard moments, but they are all worth the strength and depth of that love.

I've started my Master here, will be doing my internship at the State archives this semester, and finally got a job. This semester will therefore be very crazy, but I'm sure it will be worth it. I enjoy what I'm studying, and am very curious and thrilled about learning things "broadening" my historian-perspective; however, I will always remain a lil "away" from college life, and campus life. That's just the way I am :)

I still drive stick, but I'm slowly forgetting about the proper use of my blinkers... It is a very scary feeling.

What is less scary is that I'm still not used to those weird-fake american cheeses. My brain still remembers what real cheese tastes like, and that is a true relief :)
Coffee is all around me, so that's a good thing :)

More seriously.... I love it here, and I'm so happy to be ten minutes away from the man I love. But I have to be honest and admit that I miss my parents, and I miss my best-friend and friends/colleagues. I miss being able to share all kind of things with them, having supper with my parents, going for a drink with my dad on Friday evenings after work. When people ask me what I want to do here, in the evenings, I never quite know what to say. I don't mind watching a movie, watching people play games, read, or others. But I miss those simple things we used to do with my best-friend: meet at her place or my place, decide to go out somewhere, talk for hours, suddenly realize that we are starved and move to a restaurant; or go to the movies. Of course, the entire evening is spent just walking around the city, the car being useless in such moments. You just walk, meet people you know in the street, suddenly see an interesting restaurant and decide to try it. I miss spending hours at a table, sitting with friends, sharing stories, memories, and lots of other things. I just miss the opportunities you have when you don't have to go everywhere with your car, but when you can just leave it somewhere, and walk in the streets, enjoy all different kind of things.

And now, away from the serious part again... I still have a strong accent (some people find it cute ;) ); I'm glad I have my hands to explain things when I can't remember a word; sometimes, I do enjoy English subtitles when watching a movie.

I know what armadillos and opossums are, but I can't decide which one is dumber than the other :) I've seen a real poisonous snake, and my fiance be-headed it with a shovel! oh! And there is Tom, the turtle, who lives along the road and can run much faster than I would have ever thought! There is also the deers in the backyard, the little bunny who is not so little anymore, and all the frogs and lizards that love to tease me by invading my personal space ;)
oh! And I just finished my first nice cross-stitch! I know, a small achievement, but it's still something :)

Hmmm.... My brain is stuck for now, but I'll try to complete this post whenever new things run through my mind!

I offer a pathetic remedy.

Moo!